Tuesday, January 25, 2011

To fight for your right to party OR Party for your right to fight?

   This isn't the original post I was going to have for everyone. I was working on a piece of how Wonder Woman can save masculinity (next time) but then I had to write about this. OK, I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning. A week and change ago I was on my way to the Mid-Manhattan Library. I had my freshly charged iPod ready to drop off some books and start my work day. Then I stumbled upon this sticker on a newspaper stand.

Yeah....I said the same thing. WTF indeed. So as I picked up my cellphone and took a picture. I took a few just to make sure it was in focus and centered. Yes, I was and still am extremely angry. What angered me most wasn't just the fact that it attacked my race & my sexual identity. Not even that it also looked like it they did studies (not really but when someone sees a mathematical figure such as "14 times as likely..." they are inclined to believe it) It was the fact that I can not dispute these facts. Because I am that which is attacked. It wouldn't be credible. I mean the same would go for you as a bisexual woman. But I have to tell you fine readers, the target audience was that of the self identifying hetero cisgender female. In other words people, not us. We are the people they are warning about.

   First thing first, the site & organization is ran by  some white supremacist publisher. No surprise there but if a person didn't look it up for themselves they might be inclined to believe it. user really? Yeah I am gonna go off on a tangent a lot. Because as I write this I am ...stumped.. to quote LeBron James "What should I do?"
        I personally cannot do anything. 
No man can do anything
No woman can do anything either.
What should I do? What should we do?

How do we fight for ourselves?

  Short answer: We can't. We need to fight for one another.
Ladies & gentlemen, we need to work together.   For us to say anything would fall upon ears of disbelief. We are your brothers & your sisters, the pain may be different from mine from his , from hers but if we do not put away petty differences of who suffers more and who has it worse we are gonna gonna have our asses fed to us on a silver platter with Old Bay Seasoning and the Lawry's seasoning salt. That's right all over it. 
    We don't do anything together. Have you noticed that? There are thing for gays and lesbians. Things for lesbians and bisexual women. Things for gay and bisexual men but there is nothing out there for bisexuals in comparison. There is a new bar called Bi-Bar that is opening over in California which is so needed. There has been some bisexual speed dating here and there. 
   There is also celebrate bisexuality day which oddly enough I never found anything to do on that day with other bisexuals. Other than some sort of support group and to tell you the truth kids, they depress me. They depressed me so much that I had to get away from the hole scene for about a year. Seriously, there were other reasons too but nothing wanted me to come back and get together. Ok, there are a lot of groups that are needed. I'd say all of them are actually. But after that, What do we do?

We have been fighting the fight for ourselves and not each other. We fight and we fight hard. We are capable of some really awesome stuff. But once we are out what do we do? we cheer when someone comes out but after that we go back to what?  To sit around, eating punch and pie wandering what to do so that others can accept us for the millionth time? 
The Punch is Jonesboro delight


  Don't get me wrong I love my straight sisters too..in fact..all of my brothers and sisters across the spectrum of sexuality and gender identification. But one thing we have to do is show people that we are not spin-off. We don't need their attention. You know what..we shouldn't even be concerned with it. How many bisexual do you know that you just chill with. No marching, no picketing, someone else who is not gay or straight hell asexual, genderqueer, and chill. Maybe party a little bit at the club. Doing something that doesn't have an agenda for a seat at the big queers table ask asking Aunt Mary for a slice of that rainbow pie. 
                 If you are bi friendly supporter, ask your bi fiends what are they gonna do for bisexuality day.
Doesn't matter what spectrum of sexuality. Gay, lesbian, straight, asexual, etc.  Make them think about it. Join them. There should be some grand party in every city. We should burn and bury all the old ways of "dealing with" our sexuality and freaking own our sexuality Take the our fears and burn it and celebrate everywhere. Our gender identity, our sexual identity, genderqueer, asexual, and celebrate. Get together with people who will join us, join you in celebrating ourselves and who we are. We should let the ghosts of desiring acceptance be free.
"and I'm Hayden Christensen!" oddest moment in a movie.

When I first started writing this I had this "let us come to arms thing...I had this totally different angle ...but it got tiring.. it is tiring. Always fighting for acceptance. It's one of the reasons I took a hiatus from all the activism stuff. I saw so many older bisexual activist single and tired. Not all tired and not all single. And after a while it just got to me. I just saw myself being alone and let me tell you something folks. Alone is not what I saw in my future. So I bailed. I hurt people in the process. Damn fine people. People that were counting on me. Some were mentors and others were people that could have been something really special. (If you are one of the people and think you know who I am, I'm sorry but a better apology shall soon come.( I was scared of their life and I got selfish. I forgot all of the tenants I spoke and did everything I stood against. I was gonna run off to a country on the opposite side of the equator be with some chick (she was a nice girl who in all honesty should have and hopefully is with someone that was a better fit) and (didn't see it like that at the time but,) luckily my S.A.D. or Seasonal Affected Disorder kicked in. 

 So I became the offspring of a one night stand between Morrisey & Robert Smith. I was frozen. I stopped doing things which were not only harmful to myself and others but also helpless to myself and others. It's something I could only wish on the most vile of enemies. It took me about a years and change to get out of this horrific depression. I am still dealing with it day by day. As I deal with this with a day by day approach the goals that I have for the community becomes more refined. I see the goals which were of yesteryear becoming obsolete and stale. It was great for my predecessors and barely for my generation of bisexuals but for the next group it won't work for them. It's as effective as a geocities webpage.  
  The next generation or Generation Y doesn't have the same problems as we had. We Gen X kids just got our hands on the Internet and we found out that we weren't alone. We found out that the choices given to us in antiquated books were not true. there was such thing as bisexual and that there was a scale. One of many things neglected by our all wise and powerful health teachers in high school. We just got this wonderful thing called America Online and we were connecting,finding allies and fighting for a slice of the pie and fighting against invisibility. It's now 2010 and the strategy is still the same...we still are fighting the same crap when invisibility is now an issue. We need to come together & show the youth that we are more than just fighting we are living. We are loving. We are being what our predecessors wanted. Alive.

  The only way to fight is to live. To party and celebrate that the only invisibility we have to worry about is from each other because we are some awesome people.

See you at the club!  I'll be drinking a Raspberry Mousse Margarita and a Tranny Chaser! ;) 
Take care, ABG

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

"Like, eww" & other things said about me and my brothers.

  Today on the way to work I realized too late that I didn't charge my iPod. Thus I would be a victim of the useless,irritating chatter of my surrounding commuters. Stuck in a tube  barreling down in the A.M. in which a seat on the train is more valuable than a corner office I wince at the minutes ahead at being unprotected by my audio entertainment.
  While listening to chatter which had tales similar to " Furreal nigga, this shit was poppin.." other classics included "There is no way she did that! Why would she do that? She knew you liked him!" To my favorite " Good ________ Ladies and gentlemen. I am sellin' candy today. I ain't doin this for no basketball charity but to put money in my pocket. I gots M&M peanuts n' sittles' and fruit rallups (note: he said fruit roll-ups but it came out as...) theys a dolla a piece. Who wants sum candy, yo?)
However I do miss the bootleg dvd salesperson, the battery person that also sells dvds, cds, batteries, Krazy Glue, and assorted novelty items with the always consistent yet jingle-eque chant of "CDs,DVDs, Batteries one dollar one dollar" and repeat.    But they have been replaced by The mariachi band, more frequent 2-3 kids break-dancing team that ALWAYS slap their hands on the ceiling,Everybody goes "ohhhh!" and my favorite and probably yours...Mr. I-got-no-legs

Yes he is real. I wonder what happened to him?

  Now while all of that is happening (Trust me, you get use to it) I hear two women talk. One of them was kinda cute Puerto Rican and the other was a black chick that was sporting the best weave money could buy...or at least put into a payment plan. She was portraying the "Strong independent, sistah #236 which is "I'm hood, I keeps it realz cuz Ims all about the paperz but I do read...sometimes" which is close to #125 in which that particular "sistah unit" only listens to Neo Soul and R&B and considers herself an expert on all tings black music but when confronted with people such as Phillis Wheatley or Le Chevalier De Saint-Georges....sorry ranting...
   Well, during their 15 seconds of fame in my mind the following was said (this isn't exact and I was not going ot ask them to clarify) "Yo did you hear about how people were saying Omarion was bi :sucks teeth: I would never have a dude that was bicurious or whateva that nasty shit is. you can't trust them They be havin all kinds of nasty shits!" "I wouldn't either, cuz you know they are gonna cheat on ya fer' sum dick, girl. That's that down low nasty shit. I don't fucks with that!" If you knew me a strong sense of correcting them was about to be unleashed. But since they didn't ask for my input AND when people have their mind set on a falsehood they definitely dont want to hear proof . Especially from someone they would consider "one of thems down low niggas" 

   But since this being an op-ed/advice column and this tied in to 4 questions I got. Ladies and that one gent, this one is for you.

Will a bisexual man leave you or cheat on you because he misses the sexual organ you do not have?

  As easy for me to be pissed I have to look at this objectively and acknowledge that this is a legitimate concern. There are a lot of people that are questioning their sexuality & wonder what it wold be like with the same sex if they are heterosexual or different if they believe they are homosexual. For the time being we will use the term monosexual as they are only attracted to one sex. Easy enough? I think so. 
Ok first things first.  Let's define down-low and the all powerful Wikipedia says:

Down-low (also "on the down low" or "on the DL") may refer to any activity or relationship kept discreet. Specifically, it may refer to:
  • Keeping an act, action or some other piece of information a secret.
  • Down-low (sexual slang): Men who identify as straight, but have sex with men (often a friend) on the side without disclosing this to their female partner(s).
Ok..we kinda get that now let's get bisexual defined.  Taken from The Alliance of Queer and Ally Students at Michigan State University

  "A strict definition of a bisexual would be someone who has romantic and/or sexual relations with other people of more than one sex (though not necessarily at the same time - see section A8). However, since not everyone has necessarily had the opportunity to act on their sexual/romantic attractions, some people prefer a looser definition; for instance, that a bisexual is a person who - in their own estimation - feelspotentially able to have such attraction. This could be anyone who has erotic, affectionate, or romantic feelings for, fantasies of, and/or experiences with both men and women. A bisexual may be more attracted to one sex than the other, attracted equally to both, or find people's sex unimportant (see section A7). The strength of their attractions to men and women may vary over time."

Ok. So if you skimmed over that part it's basically saying that Bisexual men and Men who are "On the Down Low" or DL are different. However, there is one common trait. If they are gay men wishing they can be out in their commuinty or they are bisexual men trying to fit in within the either side of the monosexual spectrum be it heterosexual or the homosexual. Repressing usually leads to The Blow Back Effect. In otherwords, it can come back to haunt in a serious way. wait......WHAT? I'm sure you're asking that and let me explain.

Everygroup has a sub-group and within that sub-group usually dwells other sub-groups and so on and so forth. However there is something different about bisexuality especially bisexuality in communities of color.
Those who are part of a double minority be it lesbian and Asian or gay and Hispanic have a much harder time of acceptance than their white counterparts. Now add that to bisexuality. SO if you have a bisexual Asian male you got a triple minority or even a Hispanic bisexual female....well..that where it gets different...

  Bisexual males have a harder time than bisexual females. Why? Bisexual males challenges the notion and even the strength of the all powerful phallus.  Ok..bisexual women catch flack from a lot of lesbians because they feel they will go down the hetero road and marry a guy. The same i said about bi men by gay men. From the 4 guys I dated I only heard that out of one guys mouth and he walked out on the date when he finally understood that when I said I was bi I didn't mean racial.  Now for Bisexual women in the land of the mainstream hetero bisexual women are looked at favorably. 
Take the case of Madonna vs. Adam Lambert.

One was thought of as innovative and hot and the other was banned from tv as disturbing.
It all boils down
The Dong
Being that the set standard is hetero and that somehow the penis is the magic key that can turn a lesbian straight if she met the right man. (in some countries of Africa they use "corrective rape" to "cure" alleged lesbians of their homosexuality. I say alleged because who decides what a lesbian suppose to look like? Since ANY women can be a lesbian then ANY women can be called one and be a victim. Even the straight married lady with 5 kids and a loving husband. But that is another story *sigh* a sad one at that. Now...bi men.
 Somehow there is this vampire-esque mystique about the penis. As if once you hunger for it you must have it..you will go mad without dancin the tube-steak boogie. Cruisin in dark allies..THE HUNGER!
  Let me put it to you this way. How often does anyone cheat? I am going to repeat that because I do think it bears repeating. How often does anyone cheat? I know I know, you don't want to worry about an added equation and competition something you don't have ladies.  I know. penis can be quite enjoyable. I know. Gay dudes am I right or am I right? As sexual as we are as human being we do acknowledge the fact that even though we are sexual creatures we are emotional beings. if a person as the predisposition to cheat the are gonna do it regardless. Ladies, nobody's sexual organ is that magical. and fellas...its a vagina not the fountain of fantasy. It's all about holes and poles. If you are that worried ladies and maybe that open and dare I say cool talk about using a strap-on harness. If you aren't comfortable with that don't worry. Not every bisexual guy, heck not even every gay guy wants anal sex. Seriously. 

 So back to the original question: Will a bisexual man leave you or cheat on you because he misses the sexual organ you do not have?  Well I guess the odds of a bisexual  cheating on you is the same as any men cheating on you. Just let him be honest and free and he will be more than appreciative.  For myself as a bisexual man all I ant is acceptance and understanding. Which is something I can't get from a lot of my family. SO when he or she gives that to me. HEAVEN! It's not about allowing us to be with other men. It's allowing us to acknowledge that the men in our lives that we have loved count. 
 One advantage about dating a bisexual guy. You both can talk about bad dates with men ;)  oh lawd do I have stories. but that's for another time.

Your bi buddy,

P.S. I need a better sign off. Your bi buddy? blech
P.S.S. anybody to any M&Ms or Skittles?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Exciting changes up ahead folks! STAY TUNED!

   Hi guys and gals and other such creatures of delight! There are gonna be some changes with the blog.
 Already I know!  Excitement! Drama! SUSPENSE!! OOOHHH!!!! What could it all mean?
For starters, Wisdom Wednesday is going to be moved to Fridays. (Look, we had some problems with Courage Wolf and things didn't go so ....it went crazy alright! One thing lead into another and next thing you know he has a warrant out on him)

Courage Wolf was kind enough to leave us this before he left.
Not the most elegant wolf out there but he makes a good point. hopefully that point is jabbed up our...

   I'm going to be working with another blog! It's a surprise but, I want to assure you that things are not going to get stupid. I'm gonna give everything my all and make sure you get want you need and want you want. I'm here for you....and maybe that lady over there but mostly you.
   Some of the changes are gonna be dealing with Genderqueer issues and Trans issues. How androgyny fits into our lives? We'll find out together because I am sure I don't know everything but you better be damn sure I will take it seriously.
   We are gonna talk about mental health issues within our community as well as the different ways our medical health differs from the average hetero or homosexual guy. We'll have some polls and maybe if we are lucky do some interviews with bisexual male entertainers that are open and honest and live their lives the fullest!

So Wednesday morning look at my blog for yummy goodness!

see you soon,

I think I forgot to do something....

  Hmmm.....I guess we all better come back Monday at 11:59 P.M.  EST
To see what this guy did that could be taking so long. I mean come on! He JUST started!! 

Friday, January 7, 2011

Who am I to say?

   It's Friday the 7th. Lucky 7. The first Friday of the year.  and if you followed me from Twitter then you probably know that it's Follow Friday. So...the question that you might have asked yourselves might be: Why should you follow me? Why should you give a damn about me?

   Honestly, I can' answer that. Sounds like a cop out but if anybody promises yo the world they are only going to shwo it to you they will never give it to you. But before you follow me you should probably know at least just who the hell I am. don't you think. Don't you want to know where I am going before you follow me?

  Hopefully you know that I am a man identified male. and that i identify as bisexual. Ok..now of course that isn't enough..there are a quite a few other blogs out there discussing  male bisexuality isn't there? right?

I mean other than those talking about how male bisexuality doesn't exist. Even though I am here. i think therefore I am right? Then there are those who believe that bisexuality does exist and that it's the

 There are a few that talk about the down low. I think we covered that earlier.

I can't be that surprised. She isn't sure if the earth is round or not either. Seriously..she isn't

However, there are even more who put on shows about the Down Low lifestyle. Which does speak with a lot of truth. Sad as it might be but, I gotta tell you..we are slowly defeating ourselves

And there are a lot of people that ..well...fuck...

It's not looking good folks.
and it makes sense why someone would still be on The Down Low

 But..there is hope and this hope is standing up for ourselves.

You see, when we as in ALL of us stand up together and we say FUCK YOU to those who would hold us back and deny us our sanity and ability to love fully and unapologetically!

  Follow me and I will do the most that I can with the power within me to make sure that you will never have to have..to do what THEY say or live the life THEY want you to live. You CAN live the way YOU want to live and I will help you... I will help you ..IF you are willing to help me.
Talk to me.
Cry at me..
Yell at me..
Do whatever it is that you feel you must do but let me know.
I cannot know who you are if you don't acknowledge. 
I am 1000% percent content with the ideology 
Of dying if it means that gender and sexual equality is there. 
I am willing to give MY LIFE for this.
To be deleted,
shuffled off this mortal coil,
Tell me that you are there!
Tell me your problems your woes  your sorrows..
I am not a priest and I am not here to "absolve you of any sins"
Because I am not a priest and if it came to that passing and the one they call God would denounce me..
would shun me...
Me who they say has made me in his image then he may watch ME leave his presence.
Even in death I shall fight for you but in life right now I ask you...to speak.
You don't have to shout it out just yet if you can't
Just ...speak ..to me..
to a bisexual group..to someone you know that is bisexual.

So what do you get if you follow me..
I don't know...talk to me and let's start from there...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wisdom Wednesday!

Wisdom Wednesday guest of the week!
If you don't know who he is, now you do!

Courage Wolf told me (threatened me) to tell you that invisibility starts with you!
 Don't take crap! Shit on their cars!
His words not mine. I say just speak up 
and don't take anybody's mess. 

*Seriously folks. Don't start stabbin up people. 
Use your words. If they fall on deaf ears...
Use sign language. The finger is all that is needed...
And if you do don't mention us....at all.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

UPDATE!!! at 11:55 PM London standard time

I was just sent this clip from NYABN that was made by a person named Trayce Shaw

The kid got his head screwed on right. I say watch and enjoy folks. And tell him I said hi!

The hardest decision one can ever make: When to come out.

Hi folks.

I didn't get a chance to lay down the rules of etiquitte and such before we went live but I already got a letter so I figured since this was an  important question I would get right into it.

Usually I would ask you guys to come up with your own catchy signatures but since this person used their real name I am gonna make it theirs.

Hi. My name is ______ and I live in  *Censored Urban Area* and I am talking to this girl I really like and I want to tell her that I'm bisexual but I don't want to scare her off. How do I tell her without scaring her away?
Well  right now guy I am gonna call you ....Sam. I just saw a marathon of episodes of Supernatural online so I am gonna Sam so accept it.

Ok , Sam, with the vast amount of knowledge, wisdom, and cosmic radiation and gamma rays I have gathered in my years I will not only be honest, I will be honest in being honest with you.

There is no perfect way to tell her. None. Nada. If she leaves. Now there are different ways of telling her.
But before you do have you thought of what will happen after you tell her?
What I am trying to ask is how "Out" are you?
Does your parents and friends know?
 Is there anyone that she knows that you know that you do not want to know?
Dangers from the community
Loss of job
Alienation and lost of personal living arrangement and even job.

It may sound like I am bringing up the worst scenario but these are things I am sure (hope) you thought of before coming out.

She might think of her safety and risk of HIV and such because she heard of "The Down Low"

Now if you haven't heard of it I am sure one of her friends has heard of it and told her and before she gets into a tizzy make sure you can respond with this

Science, bitches.

So let's say she doesn't believe that. Not much else you can do. Now let's get back into HOW to tell her.

Tell her honestly and tell her WHY you didn't tell her in the first place. She may feel that you lied to her and that you hid something that YOU were ashamed of while in fact it was just fear. She may and probably will run through a lot of scenarios in her head or she will be cool with it and say she knows already and to pass the Slim Jims. Who knows?

It's usually easier in the beginning. How do you tell on a first date? Do it like the late great Richard Jeni suggest. Using a Damn Card Table

I know Bosco too!!!
I use humor because well..that's me. I like humor. I've been told I'm funny I am funny. I use humor. It's what I got. It's what I use. You.. I don't know. I don't really know you and I won't pull a Dr. Phil-of-himsef to think I can give you the perfect advice. You know her. You deep down inside know hot to tell her. Tell her the way you know how in the way you think SHE deserves to hear it. Because in reality you didn't come out to her in the beginning but AH-HA! She didn't come out as straight either! HA! Take that Status Quo! Let's see if she buys that. 

Oh and on a side note: Don't wait to tell her after Valentine's day because you know she is gonna get you a present because that is just the fucker's way of doing things. 

There is absolutely no way to be perfect about it. Just be honest. She is gonna have questions. Such as:

Why didn't you tell me before?
Does this mean you want to see men on the side now?
Are you or have you cheated on me?
Do you have AIDS?
Who else knows?
Have you slept with *insert male friend's name here in which you hang out with*?
Do you think about guys when you fuck me?
Were you with a guy before we met?
Did you ever mess with a guy when we first started dating?
Do you look at guys when we are walking?
and many... MANY more will be floating in her head I guarantee it.
Now since you told her you are now the ambassador of everything bisexual to her.
Congrats motherfucker! 

How can that not be somewhere around a 3 on the Kinsey scale?

You may feel like this

Queer Wolf

And you think she sees this

OH GOD! It's The Dan Savage Squad!
And you feel the world is gonna treat you like this.

Just remember these two things:

And not a single ripple left behind

Ain't nuthin' you can do but keep soaring

and to quote a transgender friend of mine.

Insert fish joke here.
"Show that fish what's up!"

If you are gonna be an open bisexual man still be a fucking man and don't apologize and still love her. 
Since you can love openly she can do the same. If she can't then ask your this important question. The only question that needs to be answered.
Who do you love more?
Her or yourself?
Cuz no matter what happens if you can't love yourself enough to be honest why should she love you.
There are a lot of reasons to NOT tell her but there is only one reason that there is to tell her.
Because you want to be fucking free.
Because censorship belongs in children's movies not in real life
Because you deserve the right to be yourself 
Because she deserve to know who she is loving and how truly fucking awesome you are.
and most importantly
Because you shouldn't have to

OK there is more than one. 
Fuck you.

With much fucking love,
The Bisexual Guy

I am sure that there are other people that have their own reasons why or why not people should and shouldn't come out. Go ahead and comment. Become a follower, tweet this bitch, and let me and "Sam" in on that sage like advice you got.