Sunday, January 2, 2011

The hardest decision one can ever make: When to come out.

Hi folks.

I didn't get a chance to lay down the rules of etiquitte and such before we went live but I already got a letter so I figured since this was an  important question I would get right into it.

Usually I would ask you guys to come up with your own catchy signatures but since this person used their real name I am gonna make it theirs.

Hi. My name is ______ and I live in  *Censored Urban Area* and I am talking to this girl I really like and I want to tell her that I'm bisexual but I don't want to scare her off. How do I tell her without scaring her away?
Well  right now guy I am gonna call you ....Sam. I just saw a marathon of episodes of Supernatural online so I am gonna Sam so accept it.

Ok , Sam, with the vast amount of knowledge, wisdom, and cosmic radiation and gamma rays I have gathered in my years I will not only be honest, I will be honest in being honest with you.

There is no perfect way to tell her. None. Nada. If she leaves. Now there are different ways of telling her.
But before you do have you thought of what will happen after you tell her?
What I am trying to ask is how "Out" are you?
Does your parents and friends know?
 Is there anyone that she knows that you know that you do not want to know?
Dangers from the community
Loss of job
Alienation and lost of personal living arrangement and even job.

It may sound like I am bringing up the worst scenario but these are things I am sure (hope) you thought of before coming out.

She might think of her safety and risk of HIV and such because she heard of "The Down Low"

Now if you haven't heard of it I am sure one of her friends has heard of it and told her and before she gets into a tizzy make sure you can respond with this

Science, bitches.

So let's say she doesn't believe that. Not much else you can do. Now let's get back into HOW to tell her.

Tell her honestly and tell her WHY you didn't tell her in the first place. She may feel that you lied to her and that you hid something that YOU were ashamed of while in fact it was just fear. She may and probably will run through a lot of scenarios in her head or she will be cool with it and say she knows already and to pass the Slim Jims. Who knows?

It's usually easier in the beginning. How do you tell on a first date? Do it like the late great Richard Jeni suggest. Using a Damn Card Table

I know Bosco too!!!
I use humor because well..that's me. I like humor. I've been told I'm funny I am funny. I use humor. It's what I got. It's what I use. You.. I don't know. I don't really know you and I won't pull a Dr. Phil-of-himsef to think I can give you the perfect advice. You know her. You deep down inside know hot to tell her. Tell her the way you know how in the way you think SHE deserves to hear it. Because in reality you didn't come out to her in the beginning but AH-HA! She didn't come out as straight either! HA! Take that Status Quo! Let's see if she buys that. 

Oh and on a side note: Don't wait to tell her after Valentine's day because you know she is gonna get you a present because that is just the fucker's way of doing things. 

There is absolutely no way to be perfect about it. Just be honest. She is gonna have questions. Such as:

Why didn't you tell me before?
Does this mean you want to see men on the side now?
Are you or have you cheated on me?
Do you have AIDS?
Who else knows?
Have you slept with *insert male friend's name here in which you hang out with*?
Do you think about guys when you fuck me?
Were you with a guy before we met?
Did you ever mess with a guy when we first started dating?
Do you look at guys when we are walking?
and many... MANY more will be floating in her head I guarantee it.
Now since you told her you are now the ambassador of everything bisexual to her.
Congrats motherfucker! 

How can that not be somewhere around a 3 on the Kinsey scale?

You may feel like this

Queer Wolf

And you think she sees this

OH GOD! It's The Dan Savage Squad!
And you feel the world is gonna treat you like this.

Just remember these two things:

And not a single ripple left behind

Ain't nuthin' you can do but keep soaring

and to quote a transgender friend of mine.

Insert fish joke here.
"Show that fish what's up!"

If you are gonna be an open bisexual man still be a fucking man and don't apologize and still love her. 
Since you can love openly she can do the same. If she can't then ask your this important question. The only question that needs to be answered.
Who do you love more?
Her or yourself?
Cuz no matter what happens if you can't love yourself enough to be honest why should she love you.
There are a lot of reasons to NOT tell her but there is only one reason that there is to tell her.
Because you want to be fucking free.
Because censorship belongs in children's movies not in real life
Because you deserve the right to be yourself 
Because she deserve to know who she is loving and how truly fucking awesome you are.
and most importantly
Because you shouldn't have to

OK there is more than one. 
Fuck you.

With much fucking love,
The Bisexual Guy

I am sure that there are other people that have their own reasons why or why not people should and shouldn't come out. Go ahead and comment. Become a follower, tweet this bitch, and let me and "Sam" in on that sage like advice you got.

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